For a while now I have been searching for the perfect back drop for my blog. I have gone through hundreds of blog sites looking for the one. But what I kept running into was each one I liked only described half of me or a third of me. When I looked at it I didn't see myself. For some odd reason this has turned into a big deal for me. Like many things in my life I have made it out to be huge when in the grand scheme of things what I am looking for is only a odd code that computer geniuses understand.
These thoughts have intertwined with others that I have been having a lot lately. Thoughts about the person I am today. Just typing that sentence makes me think of countless country songs and self help books that show you the "true you". I have taken personality quizzes real ones scientist use and fake ones bored people on facebook have made. All these things tell me "Who I am" or who I am suppose to be.
They don't know me. There are so many different things going on in everyone's head. Every single person grows up in different situations and have learned different ways of looking at life. There is no way you can say "I know exactly who you are".
But I know the one and only person that can. The person who created us with all are amazing differences.
A couple of days ago I stood in the center of Amsterdam. All around me were people from all over the world. All different kinds of cultures, different kinds of religions, and different kinds of lifestyles. I didn't know them, but I did know the deep sadness that had filtered into me the second we reached the town. The over whelming darkness of sin that was in every corner of the city. I have never felt anything like it. But it made me aware of how we as humans have taken God's creation, his amazingly intense differing human beings and used them for everything but him.
Even I had to check myself on this one. Now I don't do drugs or sell myself. But I have realized there is so much of "Who I think I am" that is not being used for God. There are different parts of my intricate personality that I don't even include him in.
This might sound like a strange observation, but I am asking you is God in EVERYTHING you do? Is God involved when I play on facebook for hours or when I stare at the ground and talk to no one as I walk to the grocery store.
For the last two months I have had a whole lot of alone time. Here where the language is difficult and culture is different, when I am a alone I do not want to do anything. But I have know that is not what God wants me to do here. I am not including him in everything. I think I am just trying to hold out until September 15th and then I will include him again. It's like I don't want to talk to him because I know he will ask me to do something. My friends how horrible is that.
That right there is me. Selfish, lazy and scarred. I know the only way to see something good come from my time here is to include him. The question is why is that so hard?
Well there you go. I hope that made some sense, but for the most part I needed to get that out to see it all unfold in front of me. Thanks God for showing me right here and right now.
These thoughts have intertwined with others that I have been having a lot lately. Thoughts about the person I am today. Just typing that sentence makes me think of countless country songs and self help books that show you the "true you". I have taken personality quizzes real ones scientist use and fake ones bored people on facebook have made. All these things tell me "Who I am" or who I am suppose to be.
They don't know me. There are so many different things going on in everyone's head. Every single person grows up in different situations and have learned different ways of looking at life. There is no way you can say "I know exactly who you are".
But I know the one and only person that can. The person who created us with all are amazing differences.
A couple of days ago I stood in the center of Amsterdam. All around me were people from all over the world. All different kinds of cultures, different kinds of religions, and different kinds of lifestyles. I didn't know them, but I did know the deep sadness that had filtered into me the second we reached the town. The over whelming darkness of sin that was in every corner of the city. I have never felt anything like it. But it made me aware of how we as humans have taken God's creation, his amazingly intense differing human beings and used them for everything but him.
Even I had to check myself on this one. Now I don't do drugs or sell myself. But I have realized there is so much of "Who I think I am" that is not being used for God. There are different parts of my intricate personality that I don't even include him in.
This might sound like a strange observation, but I am asking you is God in EVERYTHING you do? Is God involved when I play on facebook for hours or when I stare at the ground and talk to no one as I walk to the grocery store.
For the last two months I have had a whole lot of alone time. Here where the language is difficult and culture is different, when I am a alone I do not want to do anything. But I have know that is not what God wants me to do here. I am not including him in everything. I think I am just trying to hold out until September 15th and then I will include him again. It's like I don't want to talk to him because I know he will ask me to do something. My friends how horrible is that.
That right there is me. Selfish, lazy and scarred. I know the only way to see something good come from my time here is to include him. The question is why is that so hard?
Well there you go. I hope that made some sense, but for the most part I needed to get that out to see it all unfold in front of me. Thanks God for showing me right here and right now.
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