Random Memories #1

Summer 2009. Lushnjë, Albania

I had been told to take care of the weed explosion that had sprung up almost overnight in front of our church. We had just had a downpour the week before, and now the sun was out with a serious intensity. I was wearing an old t-shirt and some long beige painters pants. I debated on changing into my shorts I brought with me, but figured the pants might protect me from loads of insect bites. I walked to the back of the church, found some tools and got to work. The weeds were no longer ones you could easily grab a chunk out with your hand, they were so tall it felt like you were in a mini forest. I had been hacking through the bush for an hour when I looked up and saw someone coming. It was Vasili, my “Albanian Grandpa”- well that’s what I called him. We didn’t say much more then “Hello”, and he gestured to the tools and started working on the other side of the yard. We worked for hours slicing down the weeds with sun beating down on our necks so strong I thought I might get sick. While I was taking a break and chugging down some water, I heard Vasili call my name. “Amelia!” “Amelia!” I looked over at him and his shoulders were shaking hard from laughter. I shruged my shoulders and shook my head in confusion. He stopped laughing, but continued to smile and pointed towards my pants. I glanced down, and saw a sweat stain so big that it resembled one of a two year old “Accident”.  I could not help but laugh as well, shaking my head and saying over & over again about how hot it was. 

After we finally finished all the weeds, Vasili went home and I changed into my shorts I thankfully had brought with me. There was no way I was walking the two miles back to my apartment in pants that looked like I could’nt control my bladder. I already got stared at normally when I walked down the street because of my fair skin and light colored hair. I wasn’t going to add more to the mix. The shorts I had brought with me were my brothers old basketball shorts. One’s I had stolen from his dresser years ago. I was barely able to get my legs to work as I started walking home. I felt like I was in a haze I was so tired. As I got closer to the city center, I felt more eyes on me then usual. I immediately looked down and made sure I didn’t have another “Sweat accident”. After seeing there was no problem, I suddenly remembered. I -a female was wearing boys basketball shorts. A action that would be completely normal anywhere in the states, but was considered weird in this small town in Albania. So in all my tiredness, want to not be humiliated by “wet” pants, and a need to just go home - I had forgotten wearing men’s clothes was frowned upon as well. So no matter what that day- I was going to be looked at as strange.

It was in these moments when I felt so inadequate. Like I could never fit in, I would never be the same. I had to face up to the truth- I was not Albanian. I would try so hard to be just like them, but no matter how hard I pushed myself- I was still me. But it made me realize that God didn’t call me to “Fit in” He called me to “Stand out”. To be the woman He created. 

I think now days specifically in our own country we deal with this problem. Trying to “Fit in” to this world around us. Thinking that if we act just like them, then they will see God in us. But if you are truly on fire for God and want to live for Him. You don’t have to change a thing, He will change them!

It’s a hard lesson for me to learn and one I often have to remind myself of. I am so quick to try to take on someone else’s identity, but hardly ever want to face up to my own. So I pray that this week all of us can stand out and be who God want’s us to be!